I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
