My room smells like vodka and shame
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
