after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
