Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
