How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
