today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
