Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We left the knife in your bed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
