Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Alive.
So much puke
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
