i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
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