They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
