whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
