I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
