we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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