Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
