i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
