dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
