Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
