mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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