splinters make it hard to masturbate
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
