I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
