i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
