Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
