you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
