anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
