Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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