I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
