I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
