I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
