i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
