I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
