yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
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This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize