If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
