i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
