she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
