if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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