A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
