remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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