I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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