My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
