I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
