plz talk dirty to me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
