Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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