so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
