i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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