i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
