Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
