marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
