wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
