Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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