On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
