Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
