we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
