I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
