This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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