I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
