he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize