My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
