Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
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I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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