But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
