i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize