As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
