Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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