I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
