i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary