oh god the rape fog is back!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest