That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.