Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
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Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?