You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
nutella sex= disaster
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.