Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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