how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
