Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
